Sunday, July 15, 2007
this is not a happy post, so if u dun wanna read, bye. stop here.
haix. i need help.. but the ppl i usually confide in are all unavaliable. hw sucky is that. anyway, i kinda wanna be alone for the time being. talk about lonerism. but yeah. haha. ppl, dun try to cheer me up. if i need u, i'll go find u myself. i wanna be independant. after all, im living alone. i aint gonna depend on anyone anymore. n if ur reading this n ur starting to feel sorry, snap out of it. this is something i wanna do. i wanna stop depending on other ppl for my strength. i think back the past 4 years. i feel disgusted at myself. i have totally neglected my own strength n ability and chose to rely on others instead, being such a burden.
im jus ranting out emotions, so forgive me if i offend. i feel like going out, alone. yet, im afraid of wad dangers may approach me. i wanna go east coast park. i wanna go swings. alone. i wanna get used to solitude. i dun wanna hav to go wif other ppl. i know for my age, im alr very independant. but with my current circumstances, it aint enough. i realise life is not as easy as it seems. i know its an old saying, but when it sinks in, it aint that pleasant at all.
thankfully, i have God by my side. or else, i'd honestly be dead by now. i cant stand the life that im living now. im in such a rut. i need to pick myself out of this mess and jus walk out a better person. talk about enemies, what if my own shadow is my enemy, what if everytime i look at the mirror, i see my enemy? this cant go on. it jus cant. i need an output for all these bottled emotions. but i jus dunno what. i'll find a way though, and i know, i can.
okie sry for the somewhat disturbing post, yeah. that's all bye.
10:58 PM;
christine was here